Today's weather

It’s raining hard today. 

Outside and inside. 

This day didn’t start out right. I was hoping to go to church and then a situation came. J is having a really bad tummy ache and LBM. Deep inside I was blaming him for the sundae and part spaghetti he ate last night, and for all those days that I told him to take meds and he wouldn’t. We were part of something big in church, that the pastor was relying on us. I feel we have disappointed him and the viewers of the page’s Facebook Live. 

This was the start. 

Then I started feeling lazy. And started feeling anxious about the needs of my children. The eldest’s COCC unif that he needs on Tuesday, which apparently I don’t have the budget on. The second kid’s ‘Do This’ on his school books, which I only found today after asking for a quick cleanup of his bag. The youngest’s missing eraser and color pens. I started to break down a bit. Then the husband made his way into my conversations with the kids and asked me to not give him the high pitched tone. A few minutes before this, I asked him not to budge in on the convos and scolding I was having with the kids. He did anyway. I was really pissed that he had asked me to tone down in front of the kids whom I was scolding. I felt betrayed. I felt that he didn’t respect my disciplining. 

I told everyone that I won’t do or say anything anymore and went up to the room. It was all JUST them. 

I still feel bad. We are having some bad times, with the hubby ending a contract with his only client, and this same client refuses to send his last pay check. My budget was on the negative. As for me, I was still struggling with falling asleep during workdays, that I count these as my breaks. I have too much during the day that I can’t have a full 6-8hours of sleep. I only get an average of 2-3 hours plus in increments of 15minutes. Good days meant I was able to sleep those 2-3 hours through without any disruption (yelling kids, construction sounds, etc)

This is one of those low days. I may also just be PMS-ing.