Comfort and prayers

It's another season of trials and waiting.

I feel that I am most inspired to write when my emotions are in a rollercoaster, or my situation is either at a plateau or low. Recently, it is that way.

I am overwhelmed with a situation. I have 2, actually. One concerns my mom. I feel half guilty that I am not always there for her and in this time of trial, she chose not to tell me. Its either she knows I am that busy, or I let her feel I am THAT busy. I have had time for others' problems, and now I feel sick that I am not the first person she goes to for these. I don't blame her. I am at fault.

You see, my mom is not young, or getting any younger. She's in her prime years. And after all these time, I feel that I haven't been there for her as much as I would want to and should have been. I wasn't a touchy-feely when I was a young girl, then I married young. All throughout the years I have been married, most of the time, I may have just disappointed her. She has seen me fail over and over, and yet continued to love me. She is my mother after all. I haven't been with her on days that I celebrate or days that I am extremely happy. I feel guilty. As I type this, I know I am surrendering this to God, and asking for forgiveness. I also pray that He gives me the strength to comfort my mom now and tell her of God's goodness in her life. I pray for the courage to start. I pray that I won't condemn myself for the things I have been and not. My mom needs me. And I honestly don't know how to act on it.

I pray that God Himself embraces her. I have prayed over and over that He call upon her, like He did me. I hold on to the promise that He will save my household, and everyone that I love. It just takes time. And I need to wait.

In this season of waiting, I pray that I will come out stronger and have better testimonies of God's great faithfulness and love.

The lyrics from Kari Jobe's song Love Came Down, greatly express what I feel now :

If my heart is overwhelmed
And I cannot hear Your voice
I hold on to what is true
Though I cannot see

If the storms of life they come
And the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith
I will believe