Raising an adolescent

This is now becoming real. A few months back, I would've told you that my eldest is still a baby. It's hard to let go especially for a mom who's had that firstborn when she just got out of being a child herself. It's like a treasured gift. Something you don't let go even when you grow up. But all good things have an end, as the song says.

December 2007

He has officially reached that gap between adulthood and childhood. That awkward phase that I almost didn't want to remember except for the fun times I had on those years. Going down memory lane now, I have had more than a fare share of silliness during these awesome-awful years. Now my first child is going through the same. I believe he's just had his first heart break. I don't mean to pry (his dad actually did), but came Valentines and end-of-school-year, he asked for presents for a certain someone. His dad told me, let be, he's a growing boy. And this may be better than having thoughts that he may be effeminate. I agreed.

Then it happened, his heart broke. For a simple comment to a picture of his gifts, his heart broke. But what came next, broke mine. This is the first time I've seen him so angry in words, and so full of hatred for someone else. What I read from posts that were screen shot (thanks to my chismoso hubby harhar), I did not expect. It saddened me. It made me feel a whole lot of guilt. Questions like, How come I did not see this coming?, Is this the same child I brought into the world and spent 12 years raising?, Was I bad that we mentioned what was in that comment?, Was I bad that I gave in to his requests on those gifts?, has been going in and out of my mind since I read those posts last night.

I am a lost mom today.

Praying for strength and for wisdom, to raise better children.

Now is...

Today is one of those days AGAIN that I'm feeling so frustrated about how things are going for both our businesses and our family. It's not going the way I've been expecting it to be. And there are things that I've delegated to people, expecting them to finish it at a particular time, only to find out that it hasn't been even started. I know I need some quiet time. But when you're at the stage that you're building a business and building a career for your future, time is just not enough and you have no luxury to even rest. I am overwhelmed by work and house chores. It has been a few days, and yet I feel so burned out. Its probably my lack of sleep or the changes in my timezone. Is it possible to have a jetlag when you haven't even gone out of the country? I wonder.

I need rest.

I know I need some time out. As I write this, I'm imagining myself at a park, with lots of trees and plants and fresh air, doing nothing. Probably some meditating, reading the Scripture, having my one-on-one talk with God. How I would love to do just that.

I have a few projects up my sleeve now, one major is for my Manila Assistants business. I'm also waiting for another full time work by a property management client. If everything pulls through, I will be so busy, I may not even have time to blog. I'm procrastinating right now.

The hubby is feeling what I'm feeling too. So sad.

This too shall pass.

I declare it, in Jesus' name.