I talk of forgiveness

Last year was truly a humbling experience for me and my family. I have always believed that it was God's way of telling me that I am only human and that I need Him, my family, my friends and yes, even (I say this with truth in my heart) my enemies.

Healing is a process. Forgiveness is a process. I am on that process. I have forgiven but probably not forgotten. And I am praying that I too, will forget. As these memories have been the stake that crushes my heart and soul. Although I can truly say that I am 80% at peace. There are days when I hear about things that I don't like and definitely do not understand why they were even said, and I still get hurt. I pray that God would give me the strength to surpass all these trials. And that God would bless my enemies' soul so they may find peace in their hearts and be content with what they have and be happy for others too.

I've just read from Bo Sanchez's Soulfood, that I am allowed to be hurt and be angry. Because I am only human. To restore my dignity. And become a part of my healing.

Don’t Rush To Forgive If The Wound Is Grave

When the hurt is very deep, don’t forgive right away.

I am progressing but I cannot say that I have been healed totally. I still hurt. But I am better now. I feel better, I see better, I decide and choose better. I thank God for giving me this grace. And for giving me my support group (most especially my husband).

I know I will soon be healed. I will be stronger and better.

Today's Gospel

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ANYTHING BUT THAT

“But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you…” – Matthew 5:44

I was very angry with somebody. No… the word angry is mild. I was livid.

I had a mixture of emotions about something that transpired, and my human instinct told me that I needed to strike back to defend myself. But it was something I knew I didn’t want to do. Instead, I lashed out at another person involved and said all the hurtful words I could say. The sleeping monster inside me awoke.

I carried this anger in my heart for many years. And each time I came across the chosen verse above, I would always cringe. Love my enemies? Pray for those who persecute me?... “Lord! Please make me do anything but that!”

To this day that remains a tall order for me. It is not easy. I prayed for the blessing of time, believing that it heals all wounds, and that in God’s perfect time the anger in my heart will fade.

True enough, the time came. It felt as if a big thorn in my heart was pulled out. Only then did I actually know what it’s like to forgive — the peace of Christ enveloped me and renewed my spirit.

May His peace fill your heart every day. Nova Arias (nova.svp@gmail.com)

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REFLECTION:

Was there ever a time when you loved your enemy? If you managed to do it once, you can do it over and over again.

Grant me a change of heart, O Lord

This struck me hard as it was so close to what I felt recently. Very similar. And I am very thankful that I have been free from this tragedy. Now, although I may still hold grudge on some people, the feeling is not as bad as it was last year. The cliche goes that, time heals all wounds, and I know it would. God has never given up on me and never left me. Who would've thought I would come to a point where I am deeply humbled by my experiences and it has taught me a lot about myself and others. I continue to pray that I will always be reminded of how lucky I am to have been forgiven and receive forgiveness.