WARNING : Rants of a Depressed Diabetic

Today isn't a good day. I'm noticing that the past days hasn't been either. I'm not sure if it's because its the time of the month or the fact that I have been feeling lethargic and I have all sorts of infection coming in at the same time.

Yes, I am diabetic. And I haven't checked myself for the longest time, feeling that I have been cured. Maybe I was. This is only a relapse because I've been drowning myself in sweets everytime I feel stressed, burnt out, sad, or even when I am happy.

Last night, I pushed myself to buy another glucometer kit from a generic pharmacy. I didn't want to get the fancy brands since I still lose them somehow. I've had about 4 or 5 in the past, all branded, and now non-existent. I checked myself immediately as soon as we arrived home (hubby drove me). It was more than an hour after we had dinner anyway. 'Lo and behold, the count was 326mg/dl. For those who do not understand, the normal blood sugar count should be 90-120mg/dl. So I was way up high on that chart. This made me feel depressed all the more. I got sad that I've been working my ass off, so we can make ends meet and buy stuff that we need. The only reward I give myself are :

1. Mani and pedi from Beauty and Butter
2. Eyelash extensions from Lavish Lashes
3. check out new restaurants and their bestsellers
4. Watch a movie
5. Swedish massage with hot pads and herbal pillows from Baan Kuhn Thai

And ALL, and I mean ALL of these, I am unable to do now. Why? Well, for starters, I can't do my mani-pedi since I have a really bad big toe infection. Which I think started from my last pedi and it bled and I mistakenly washed it when I got home.. or a ingrown toenail. Not sure. It sure looks bad now as my big toe seems dying.

Then my lashes.. I was enjoying the extensions since it definitely gave my eyes the definition it needs and I didn't have to worry about putting product on when we're late for something. I just take my lip stain and voila', a just-woke-up fresh look. The eyelash salon where I go to, advised me to rest my lashes for about a month so they'd have time to grow back again, as they're balding from the 'very' regular visits. Now I have to put effort in everytime I go out. Which is not really ideal for me. Else I'd go out with my bare face.

As for the restaurants, the fact that I have no more time (thanks to my job and household duties), and this relapsing diabetes thing, I don't have that freedom anymore. Same goes for watching movies and having a massage. I can't watch movies as its already school season, so the kids need our 'undivided' attention during the week days. Then a massage is out of the question of course! Unless its the weekend and we have nothing to do and we really need a stress relief.

...

Enough said.
I need some quiet time.

Changes and GlutaFIT

A few months ago, after I made a career change, I also started to take care of myself more. I was looking in the mirror and kept thinking, 'I know I could look a lot younger if only I made time and spent a little for myself'. So that's exactly what I did. I started with buying makeup and facial masks, usually from Korean stores as they are more compatible with the look I want to achieve. Then I had lash extensions and regular nail salon visits. I also started to think on how to keep my skin looking fresh and moisturized but not too oily, which was the hardest for me since I have combination skin -- part oily, part dry AND it depends on the weather. A small chunk of me also wanted to be fit, as I was feeling the heaviness of it all.

I remembered that I saw a post on Facebook one time that there's a supplement that has both anti-aging and slimming effects, PLUS it can whiten the skin too! Yay me! The name? GlutaFit.

JC Premier's GlutaFit 

I searched for suppliers on the internet, and found a friendly one. I wanted to try it ASAP so I asked if we could meet up instead of having it shipped. Luckily, she lived a few minutes away from me. I initially just wanted to buy 1 bottle so I can try first, but the price becomes significantly low if I buy 2 or more. So I went with it and also bought the Omni Soap.

After some exchanges on Viber, I was so convinced to resell the products and I asked how. I also wanted to make sure that the product does live up to what they advertise. After about a week and a half, the hubby and I (yes, he takes them too) noticed visible changes in our skin and our bodies. Shirts and jeans fit better and people also took notice of our lightened complexions.

So here's my shameless plug : Buy JC Premiere Products HERE

We have ongoing promos and Starter Kits ;)

Raising an adolescent

This is now becoming real. A few months back, I would've told you that my eldest is still a baby. It's hard to let go especially for a mom who's had that firstborn when she just got out of being a child herself. It's like a treasured gift. Something you don't let go even when you grow up. But all good things have an end, as the song says.

December 2007

He has officially reached that gap between adulthood and childhood. That awkward phase that I almost didn't want to remember except for the fun times I had on those years. Going down memory lane now, I have had more than a fare share of silliness during these awesome-awful years. Now my first child is going through the same. I believe he's just had his first heart break. I don't mean to pry (his dad actually did), but came Valentines and end-of-school-year, he asked for presents for a certain someone. His dad told me, let be, he's a growing boy. And this may be better than having thoughts that he may be effeminate. I agreed.

Then it happened, his heart broke. For a simple comment to a picture of his gifts, his heart broke. But what came next, broke mine. This is the first time I've seen him so angry in words, and so full of hatred for someone else. What I read from posts that were screen shot (thanks to my chismoso hubby harhar), I did not expect. It saddened me. It made me feel a whole lot of guilt. Questions like, How come I did not see this coming?, Is this the same child I brought into the world and spent 12 years raising?, Was I bad that we mentioned what was in that comment?, Was I bad that I gave in to his requests on those gifts?, has been going in and out of my mind since I read those posts last night.

I am a lost mom today.

Praying for strength and for wisdom, to raise better children.

My Lavish Lashes Fairview Terraces Experience

If you have followed my life based on my blogs and FB posts, you'd definitely know that I'm a WAHM. A WAHM with 3-4 jobs all at once, who sleeps 3-4 hours on good days, and has a social life of zilch.

Now, making myself pretty is not something usual. I'm not your "maarte" girl who only has shopping lists for herself. I have 3 kids to feed and a (aherrmm, not-so-tidy) house to maintain. It's not an easy life.

But a few weeks ago (3, I think), I decided to go ahead and have my lashes prettified. My eldest and I were about to do a "special number" (is what they call it) in church that weekend. I wasn't about to put myself in front of these people without at least creating a good look to the name. Now that I think about it, it may be a fall-back in case I didn't do well with my singing. Lolz.

Days before the event, I was frantic on finding a good eyelash salon that's near me. I used to go to iLash in Megamall, but a 2-hour car ride slash traffic just won't do it. Scouted the mall, and there I found Lavish Lashes. I asked questions first before I had my lashes done. Was it natural hair? No, it was silk. I just didn't want a fake, almost like plastic hair since I've had some bad experiences in other salons that didn't exactly specialize in eyelash extension but were offering it as a service. So I agreed to get a Glamour extension. I would've opted for a more dramatic look but the shop manager said that since my last extension was years ago, it may be best to sign up for the middle length and thickness.

Here is a pic of my lashes after :

I actually loved it. Except for the fact that I lost an earring (not too sure if it was inside the shop or elsewhere), which I noticed while taking this picture. 

Days went by, and I knew that after 2 weeks I need to get it re-done or touched up since some of the lashes had fallen already. And it was kind of itchy and a bit painful if the lashes went inside my eyes. So on the 2nd week, which was yesterday, I went and asked for a full touch up. They asked if I wanted the same length (Oh yeah, that was one good service I noticed, is that they asked for what length and thickness you would like.. I think they also measured my natural lashes for comparison). And I said yes. So I was there lying on their couch for a good 45minutes to an hour (thank you hubby for patiently waiting). I didn't really like the ambiance of Lavish Lashes in Fairview Terraces by the way. They didn't have a sound system that played relaxing music, rather it was from playlists on Youtube that well, should I say, sounds really cheap? Plus, the fact that the attendant did NOT wear a face mask this time, I can feel and smell her breathing! Another thumbs down factor, is that they kept on talking about personal lives, and it wasn't in a low tone. If one of my purpose is to get prettified and be relaxed, it would've defeated that. Also, I felt that a drop of adhesive went into my skin. The attendant was silently trying to take it out, but since she knows it hurts, she stopped on her 3rd try. She didn't mention anything. Anyway, I have more to say, but this post is not about THAT rant.

Finally, it was time for the lash reveal. 

I got disappointed. See the pic why. Let me know if you noticed. 

This picture does not do justice to what I wanted you to see. This lash version is thinner and shorter. Whenever I look in the mirror, I don't get that satisfaction just as I did on the first one. I asked the attendant if this was the same, and she said yes. She even said that it may look THICKER this time since she just added lashes to the ones that were left from the last time! Thicker?! Really? I feel like I've just used 1 coat of mascara on this one. 

I feel cheated. 

It's exactly the reason why I wrote this. 

Sigh. Bring me to iLash NOW!

Contemplating on whether to go back and have them re-do, or just suck it up and wait for the next 2-3 weeks. Knowing myself, I would opt for the latter. 

Comfort and prayers

It's another season of trials and waiting.

I feel that I am most inspired to write when my emotions are in a rollercoaster, or my situation is either at a plateau or low. Recently, it is that way.

I am overwhelmed with a situation. I have 2, actually. One concerns my mom. I feel half guilty that I am not always there for her and in this time of trial, she chose not to tell me. Its either she knows I am that busy, or I let her feel I am THAT busy. I have had time for others' problems, and now I feel sick that I am not the first person she goes to for these. I don't blame her. I am at fault.

You see, my mom is not young, or getting any younger. She's in her prime years. And after all these time, I feel that I haven't been there for her as much as I would want to and should have been. I wasn't a touchy-feely when I was a young girl, then I married young. All throughout the years I have been married, most of the time, I may have just disappointed her. She has seen me fail over and over, and yet continued to love me. She is my mother after all. I haven't been with her on days that I celebrate or days that I am extremely happy. I feel guilty. As I type this, I know I am surrendering this to God, and asking for forgiveness. I also pray that He gives me the strength to comfort my mom now and tell her of God's goodness in her life. I pray for the courage to start. I pray that I won't condemn myself for the things I have been and not. My mom needs me. And I honestly don't know how to act on it.

I pray that God Himself embraces her. I have prayed over and over that He call upon her, like He did me. I hold on to the promise that He will save my household, and everyone that I love. It just takes time. And I need to wait.

In this season of waiting, I pray that I will come out stronger and have better testimonies of God's great faithfulness and love.

The lyrics from Kari Jobe's song Love Came Down, greatly express what I feel now :

If my heart is overwhelmed
And I cannot hear Your voice
I hold on to what is true
Though I cannot see

If the storms of life they come
And the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith
I will believe